Wow, it’s been a very long time since I’ve posted on this
site. Today, I went back and read my post from Mother’s Day, 2011-Mother’s Day
Sacrifice. It brought me to tears
as I thought about how far we’ve come in these three years and yet, how I’m still
learning to trust the God who never changes……sacrificing my all so He can be
all. The incredible part of our
story today is that I write this sitting next to my sleeping son-my miracle
son. His name means “God is my laughter and strength” and how I pray he grows
into that name---he already is. At 22 months, he is goofy and adventurous, has
a heart for prayer and praising Jesus, seeks to please, has an ornery grin and
a laugh that melts my heart. I am humbled and overwhelmed that God allowed me
to know what carrying a child is like-to hear his heartbeat and feel him kick
inside. And today, I long to carry
another child. Praying His will, His way still isn’t easy at times-knowing it
may not be according to our hopes or dreams, but longing for Him to shape me,
change me, mold me to be more like Him. A few weeks ago I asked my husband if I
would always long for children. His answer surprised me. He said I would
because that is part of how I was created. I love when the voice of God speaks
through my husband. I thought back to my 5 years in the classroom and knew he
was right. We have been on this journey through infertility for 6 years and
adoption for 4 years. There are so many stories, perhaps I’ll share more later.
But today, we are in the process of adoption-again. Longing to adopt and grow
our family and being changed from the inside out. I have learned that even on
the hard days, I hope I always long for children…..His children. I long to fill
our home with them. Jesus adopted me as His daughter and I want to be His hands
extended. So often the Lord speaks to me in everyday moments. The other night my
son woke up and cried out for me over and over again. When this happens, I lay
beside him and quietly say “I’m right here”. He continues to say “Mama” and rub
my arm until he is asleep again. I
may not know what God has for us, or what He’s leading us to, but I know that
when I cry out to him, he quietly says “I’m right here”-always has been and
always will be.
