Journey in Sacrifice

Wow, it’s been a very long time since I’ve posted on this site. Today, I went back and read my post from Mother’s Day, 2011-Mother’s Day Sacrifice.  It brought me to tears as I thought about how far we’ve come in these three years and yet, how I’m still learning to trust the God who never changes……sacrificing my all so He can be all.  The incredible part of our story today is that I write this sitting next to my sleeping son-my miracle son. His name means “God is my laughter and strength” and how I pray he grows into that name---he already is. At 22 months, he is goofy and adventurous, has a heart for prayer and praising Jesus, seeks to please, has an ornery grin and a laugh that melts my heart. I am humbled and overwhelmed that God allowed me to know what carrying a child is like-to hear his heartbeat and feel him kick inside.  And today, I long to carry another child. Praying His will, His way still isn’t easy at times-knowing it may not be according to our hopes or dreams, but longing for Him to shape me, change me, mold me to be more like Him. A few weeks ago I asked my husband if I would always long for children. His answer surprised me. He said I would because that is part of how I was created. I love when the voice of God speaks through my husband. I thought back to my 5 years in the classroom and knew he was right. We have been on this journey through infertility for 6 years and adoption for 4 years. There are so many stories, perhaps I’ll share more later. But today, we are in the process of adoption-again. Longing to adopt and grow our family and being changed from the inside out. I have learned that even on the hard days, I hope I always long for children…..His children. I long to fill our home with them. Jesus adopted me as His daughter and I want to be His hands extended. So often the Lord speaks to me in everyday moments. The other night my son woke up and cried out for me over and over again. When this happens, I lay beside him and quietly say “I’m right here”. He continues to say “Mama” and rub my arm until he is asleep again.  I may not know what God has for us, or what He’s leading us to, but I know that when I cry out to him, he quietly says “I’m right here”-always has been and always will be.